BOTSWANA – Confessions of a Dead Elephant

Quien me hubiera dicho a mi, un viejo elefante de 50 años que mi ejecución seria motivo de polémica, y artículos diversos en la prensa de casi todo el mundo.  Dentro de la desdicha de haber sido asesinado me tengo que sentir algo orgulloso, púes después de mi muerte estoy siendo la envidia de otros de mi especies, y hasta más de uno se hubiera cambiado por mí.  Púes no deja de ser algo honroso ser abatido, no por un escritor como Ernesto Hemingway, no señores, a mi me pegó siete tiros nada menos que el Rey de España, Don Juan Carlos I.  Claro que yo era un blanco bastante fácil y la verdad, yo no he visto nada de hazaña en esto.  Lo más divertido es que con mi muerte he hecho que mucha gente odie a la Monarquía, ¿tiene gracia, no?  Muchos elefantes, amigos míos, han pasado sus vidas de una forma monótona y embrutecida en unos centros llamado Zoo.  Otros solo han servido de pasto para los leones o en su caso, para que los habitantes de las aldeas lo maten a machetazos para poder comer su carne.  Aunque los que mejor suerte han tenido son los que han trabajado en el Circo.  Honradamente tengo que reconocer que amigos míos que han trabajado en el Circo.  Me contaron que no les importaba asumir ese rol, púes ellos eran felices viendo como los chiquillos disfrutaban viendo sus actuaciones .

A veces pienso que me hubiera ido mejor en el Circo.  Los elefantes siempre fuimos visto por los chiquillos como los buenos, mientras los leones eran los malos.  Se dice de nosotros los elefantes que somos animales preciosos, exóticos, grandotes, tranquilos y nobles.  Da la impresión de que nosotros los elefantes sólo hemos nacido para vegetar en un zoológico, o para que los hombres prueben su virilidad disparándonos, en vez de probar su hombría con una hembra en la cama, digo yo.  En 1956, este hombre que me ha matado de siete tiros, mató a su hermanito Alfonso de Borbón, con una pistola del calibre 22 a causa de un accidente.  Él tenia 18 años y su hermano 14 años.  Como verán, yo no he sido la única victima inocente de este señor.  Él rifle con el que me han ejecutado es, según los expertos, un Rigby Express del calibre 470, serie 1998.  El rifle pesa cinco kilos, y es capaz de derribar un muro de ladrillo como si fuese cartón.  No pensaba yo que fuese tan resistente, púes el Rey necesitó nada menos que siete jodidos disparos.  Lamento no poder decirle como me llamaba, las noticias no lo mencionan tampoco.  Eso sí, pesaba cinco toneladas y mis colmillos, uno pesa 37 kilos y el otro 36.  Si ustedes son tan amables me pueden dar un nombre bonito.  Claro que no sea Dumbo pues es muy conocido y comercial.  Un abrazo con mi trompa, y espero verles en el Paraíso, eso si no traigan sus malditos rifles de caza, por favor.

Who could have predicted that I, an old elephant of 50 years old, would be the subject of so many controversial and miscellaneous articles in the press around the world.  I must feel proud despite that fact that I have been murdered; well, you see, after my death I am now the envy of others of my species, and many would have chosen to be in my place.  There could be nothing more honorable than to die at the hands of, no, not a writer such as Ernest Hemingway, no, my good sirs, I was received seven shots fired by none other than the King of Spain, Don Juan Carlos I.   Suffice to say, I was a fairly easy target and the truth is that I do not see much of an achievement in all of this.  The funniest part is that upon my death, it has evoked the ire of many  people against the monarchy, ironic, isn’t it?  Many elephants, who were my friends, have spent their lives in the most monotonous way in centres known as Zoos.  Others have served as food for the lions or in certain cases, victims of villagers who have killed them for food with machetes.  On the other hand, those who have had better luck were those who have worked in the circus.  I have to admit that my friends who have worked in the circus, have mentioned to me that they didn’t mind assuming their roles, as it was very gratifying seeing how the kids enjoyed themselves while watching their performances.

Sometimes I think that I would have been better off in the circus.  The elephants have always been viewed by the kids as good, while the Lions have always been the evil ones.  It has been said that we, the elephants, are precious, exotic, big, quiet and noble animals.  It gives many the impression that we elephants have been born to vegetate in a Zoo, or serve as the prey in hunting games of men so that they can show their virility by firing at us, rather than proving their manhood with a woman in bed.  In 1956, this man who killed me with seven shots, also killed his brother Alfonso de Bourbon, with a gun of caliber 22 in an accident.  He was 18 years old and his brother 14 years old.  As you can see, I was not the only innocent victim of this man.  The rifle that he used to execute me is, according to experts, a Rigby Express 470 caliber series 1998.  The rifle weighed five kilos, and is able to knock down a brick wall as if it was cardboard.  I didn't think that I was so resilient, as it took the King nothing less than seven shots to take me down.  I’m sorry to not be able to tell you my name as the press did not mention it either.  What I can see if that I weighed five tons and my tusks, weighed 37 kilos and 36 kilos each.  If you could be so kind to give me a really nice name, I would be thankful.  Of course it's should not be Dumbo as it is very well known and far too commercial.  I send you hugs and kisses with my trunk, and I hope to see you in heaven, that is if you do not bring those damn hunting rifles with you, please.